That Same Roller Coaster

So I’ve been doing a Beth Moore study on the book of James. It’s a really great study, and I went into it expecting more conviction than anything because it talks a lot about the works that your faith produces (faith without deeds is dead -James 2:26). What I didn’t expect was that God would use this book to show me his extravagant love in my life right now. 

We are currently in the second chapter of James, and Beth Moore did a seminar leading into it focusing entirely on the relationship between joy and anguish (sounds enticing, right?). I have always known that biblical joy is not the warm fuzzy feeling you get on your favorite fall day with a cup of coffee and a cute dog in tow. SO going into this seminar I’m thinking that I am going to hear all about how we have to decide to be joyful in our anguish like I have always heard. But the Holy Spirit wanted to say something else. Beth Moore made 3 points about what the Bible says regarding the relationship between joy and anguish. I will not rehash her seminar here for you, but here are her points:

1. Anguish and joy can coexist

2. Anguish and joy can trade places

3. The source of anguish can morph into joy

It was the third one that really jumped out at me. I am sure I have heard that truth before, because I know the verses that support it. Psalm 30:11 says “You have turned my wailing into dancing.” Beth pointed out that the Hebrew word used here is hapak which means “to convert, change; frequently used in connection with the acts of God.” Philippians 1:18b-19 says, “Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, ¹⁹ for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance.” 

So I know that God is able to use all things in my life for my good (Romans 8:28), that was not news to me. What blew me out of the water was the next verse, Deuteronomy 23:5 ⁵ However, the Lord your God would not listen to Balaam but turned the curse into a blessing for you, because the Lord your God loves you. 

Because He loves me. 

I have said a few different times, in all honesty, that I believe that God has turned our infertility from a curse in our lives into a blessing. I know that he has changed my heart in that way, and Jon’s too. Is it still painful at times? Yes, but I will not ask him to take it away. Why? Because He has turned my wailing into dancing. He has turned my curse into a blessing because He loves me. Anything that God does for me because he loves me, I want to keep. 

The greatest part about it is that God didn’t turn it into a proverbial blessing. I don’t write these words with a heart hopeful that joy will come. I write them with a joyful heart. Only a Redeemer can do that.

The Hebrew word used for anguish in Psalm 55:4 (My heart is in anguish within me) is the word hiyl and it basically means writhing in pain as with childbirth. This is where I will never be able to connect because I will never experience that. However, the beautiful thing is that David wrote that Psalm, and he never experienced birthing a child either. What he did experience was the birth of a life-changing trust in God. If you read through Psalm 55, you will see that. 

The thing is, God didn’t just rescue us from anguish. He is making something beautiful out of it. Beth Moore points out, “You can live with pain a while lot better than you can live with purposelessness.” I have never had a heart for adoption like I do now. And not just to bring our family together, but beyond that. We are excited about being a part of a new ministry at the vine for fostering and adoption. Our anguish has morphed into joy, real joy. And out of that joy we also get purpose in His kingdom.

As Beth Moore put it, the same roller coaster that caused the anguish is taking us right into joy. 

Why? Because He loves us.